The Reality of Kid Birthday Parties

Birthday parties, a time to celebrate yet one more year completed, and another to go. Cake, punch, games, a pinata, noise makers, add children and you've got a party! Correction-you have crazy may-ham on your hands!

I've only been to a couple of parties, and this is ON PURPOSE. I know that if you have more than 3 children together your child will morph into something you have never seen before. The most active, and loudest child takes over, infecting the other children with this energy, and suddenly, you have a mob on your hands. Screaming, running around, blowing on those noise makers, climbing on things that not designed to be, and THEN, let's give them something to HIT at. Ahhh....this is a celebration right? There are no rules that apply here? Other than, let's scoot back a little so we don't whack our friends.

Ok, crazy mob scene, now lets add candy, cake and ice cream! whoo hoo! Let's see how many pieces of candy your child can stick in their mouth at once. My son can finish a lollipop in 3 crunches, and be digging in his bag for another in about 2.5 seconds. Then, give them all a slice of over mixed, super dry sponge cake (that everyone thinks is AMAZING) covered with icing dyed shades of colors using our favorite ingredient, Red Dye 40. Their teeth get coated in this goo, and if you're lucky, they'll get some on their best shirt they wore to the party.

Do you dare to open presents?? Well, I hope not, but if the child insists.. enter craziness that is usually exhibited at the toy store, when you tell your child that "No, they may not get the super-douper-crazy-cartwheel delux speed racer that includes 8 feet of track". Those asiles make great stages for the ultimate meltdown, and the ceiling echos so nicely. Back to the party, now all of those children are surrounded by the coolest toys, and which one are they going to bust out of it's plastic clamshell to play with first? "No, we can't? Aww man!"

Alright parents, time to leave, here's a goodie bag, wait -- another bag full of candy -- that you have to wrestle away from your over stimulated, crabby, too hot child on the way home, to wait out the sugar high. Ahh, the celebration....