Many people have been witness to this event, or been an actual part in this bazaar experience that happens right before you begin your day. You're ready to drop your child off @ daycare, leave home with your child in your nanny's care, and all the sudden your child becomes this crying, yelling, screaming child capable of a death grip around your neck. You panic because you've never seen this before, it's caught you completely off guard. You think, I'll just spend one more minuet, then everything will be fine. Nope, in fact, it gets worse. You are finally forced to leave, and you have such a deflated expression on your face, and your shoulders, that you think that you're the worst parent ever for leaving your child in the grips of such a horrible environment. How can this be happening to your precious child?
Let me tell you, parents, IT'S YOUR FAULT. Yes, you need to wake up and see that this behavior in particular, is directly reflected in how you & your child interact first thing in the morning. And if you don't recognize it for what it is, and address the problem, it will keep getting worse. You can pry the fingers off your neck as a baby, even a pre-schooler, then as school starts, the child will start sleeping later, rushing through breakfast, yelling at you as they go to catch the bus because they didn't remember to put all their books back in their backpack.
The solution? Spend time with your child first thing in the morning. Snuggle, read a story, lay in bed spooning for just a couple of minuets, and everything will be different. If this means that you need to set your alarm 5 min earlier so you have time to do this, then DO it. And, when Day Light Savings time rolls around, and your child is sleeping an extra hour, wake them up, so they have a chance to spend time with you before you leave in the morning. They don't know about the extra hour, they just know that you left, and will use every tool at their disposal to manipulate you into feeling like dirt. It works, doesn't it?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, try and console your child, reason with them, and if you threaten to leave, then follow through and walk out the door. Remember that you chose the child care provider for their capabilities, and trust in them that they can handle a screaming child. You're only encouraging this behavior if you sit and talk, try to reason, or explain yourself. I once heard a dad try and explain to his wound-up 2 year old that he needed to go to work to make money. Does this compute to the child? I don't think so. Instead, spend those 2 min snuggling first thing in the morning, talking about what you will do when you get home. Remind the child about how much fun there is to have during the day, and that you will return.
A child that waves to his mom/dad as they walk out the door to leave is full of confidence. They know that they will be well cared for during the day, have all of their physical/emotional needs met, AND that mom & dad will return at the end of the day. They are empowered to have fun throughout the day, so they have stories to tell over the diner table. The rhythm of the day makes sense to them, and not only understand it, but feel in control over it.
So, please mom's and dad's, when you're thinking about your day, and all the challanges you have to face there, remember that it has to start with your child. Give them the ability to have a great day also, and it starts with a confident child. Remember that we, as care giver's, have seen it before, and can handle it.
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