“It takes a village” is a phrase that I have always heard
regarding children and their upbringing. This used to mean neighbors could
discipline your children, people we hardly knew could be relied upon to do
carpool, a newly turned 12 yr old could be trusted to babysit your
children. Now a day’s, it’s changed, but
the need is still there. Children are erratic, spontaneous, and full-time mom’s
also need their village. A community of grown-ups who talk about things, ask
how your day is going, and generally care about your well-being.
One morning, we, W (my son) and B2 (the boy I was nannying
for) and I were at an indoor play area. I met a mom who mentioned an online
forum she was a part of, and how I needed to join so I could meet more people. We
exchanged numbers, and even talked on the phone that night. Me explaining why I
didn’t think I could belong, as I lived outside the city of Charlotte, and she
encouraging me to set up my account anyways, since the benefits far outweighed
any consequences. So, that evening I joined called Charlotte Area Mommies, and
a whole new world opened up to me. We could post questions, seek reviews of products,
talk about our favorite tv shows, and also form playgroups. I had never
belonged to an online group before, and soaked up all this knowledge. Mom’s
asking about babies, what they were making their family for dinner, talking
about cloth diapering, vaccinating (or
not), and so on. And this is where I found a playgroup of mom’s and children
within 6 months of age of W & B2. It was an already established playgroup,
as these mom’s started getting together when their kids were babies, so I
reached out and replied to their next Thursday morning playdate, asking if we
could come.
After receiving permission from B2’s mom, off we went to our first play-date. Now, children
at this stage don’t necessarily play together, they do what is called, “parallel
play”, where they sit by each other and interact with their own toys, but don’t
interact with each other. They also love to find what is at the bottom of the
toy box, get distracted easily, and for the most part, are not putting
everything in their mouth. The reality of what that looks like is ALL the toys
are on the floor, EVERTYHING is emptied out of bins, boxes and totes, and the
children are either sitting on the floor playing with 1 thing, or they are
running laps around the house, while the mom’s are trying to visit, and clean
up at the same time.
I remember coming home from that first playdate feeling absolutely
drained, from talking, cleaning up, and the sheer noise of it all. I also felt
welcome, supported, and not so alone. These were all mom’s who had either
chosen to stay home after their babies were born, or who worked in the
evening/night. Either way, we had all had an abrupt shift once our kids were
born. We went from visiting with adults regularly in our jobs to maybe not even
seeing another adult all day. We all knew the loneliness of this chapter in our
lives. The basic guidelines were, anywhere from 4-10 mom’s, would meet on Thursday
mornings, in a rotating fashion, with everyone having a turn to “host”. It didn’t
need to be at your house, you were only responsible for setting up the post in CMA’s
as a reminder and see if anyone else wanted to come.
And so it began, everything Thursday morning, for as long as
we were in Charlotte. And what a wonderful thing to have happen to us. We LIVED
for Thursday’s now. It meant that I could have an assessment day at work Monday’s,
plan an outing on Tuesday, a craft on Wed, and then clean up and do chores on
Friday. Just that one additional morning when I knew the boys would be
entertained, and I could talk with other adults that kept me motivated me
through the whole week. We loved it so much, I remember driving through an ice
storm just so I could come to a playdate! We went to people’s homes, their
neighborhood pools, playgrounds, firehouse’s, strawberry picking, Nature Center’s,
Chucky Cheese, even once made a big adventure uptown on their public
transportation. It was great.
The children got older, and the playgroups started to thin
down, as some kids were put in daycare/school, or the mom’s had a sibling to
bring and the now 3yr olds needed to be a little bit more gentle around the
baby. There were still mom’s who met regularly, and needed this form of
therapy, myself included. And this is how I was able to continue to work in
this job, barley making above minimum wage for so long. This group nourished my
spirit.
With my whole heart, thank you mom’s. Thank you for
including me in your circle, for empowering me with your attitudes, your
opinions, and your willingness to listen. Not only to me, but to my kids, and
the crazy noises children make. Thank you for showing up, for hosting, for
allowing me into your world for those brief moments. We are all now friends on
social media, and our kids are turning into teenagers, and have entered middle
school. I’ve seen these all these children grow as well. I’ve seen pictures of
surgeries, and of new siblings, heard about medical obstacles, gotten new
addresses as you have moved, and thank you for all of that too. Thank you for
STILL being in my life, even if now it’s a postcard at Christmas, I treasure
them. You all were un-sung angles during this time, and it was magical, as I
have not found another group that has bonded like you women. As we are all on
different paths now, know that each and every one of you helped me in my
journey, and your support will be cherished always.
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