Bridges burned

I like to believe that I'm a decent person, have good manners and don't negatively effect people too much. This whole ordeal with my former boss that happened over a month ago is still bothering me. I guess it wouldn't get to me every now and then, but my son will reference our time there, or the little boy and he has such a sad tone in his voice, that it touches my heart. And I also think about how my nanny boy must feel. He's started a school program, and has friends in his neighborhood, so I don't think my son was at the top of his priority list, so hopefully he has moved on. For his mother, I doubt it.

I can say that, unfortunately, I have burned that bridge. For whatever reason, after my former boss found this blog and read the 1 post concerning my last few days @ her house, that she was washing her hands of me. Really, it wasn't that bad. And again, I was reflecting on MY behavior and how I was feeling, not venting about terrible my boss was, and that I couldn't wait to be done. The only thing I can think is that, somehow, I hurt her feelings. In the 2+ years that we were together she came to the conclusion that our kids were going to be lifelong friends, and would always be a part of each others lives. That's sweet, but unrealistic. And she always treated me, all be it a good, but still, an employee. I did have a pretty cushy job, 4 days a week, off when I wanted, even when that was at the last minuet so we could go farming. But again, it was a JOB, so I always had an arm's length opinion about everything.

It must be my son's feelings that I'm reacting to. Since I want the best for him, that includes not wanting him to be sad either. So this must be a lesson-in-progress for him to be sad. I think that after he starts his preschool program, and makes new friends he'll think about them, instead of his first good friend.

Still, I have to think about my job history to think about, and that she's refused to be my reference. I have friends who have seen me work, and will use them as my backup to explain and account for my professional history. And that's all that matters

How employers really talk to their nannies

This was written to me in March of 2007, and my stomach still turns into knots while I read it.

Clare,

I need you to be more predictable and do more to help maintain the household. Please look at the job description carefully. I think you know what we need well enough that you should not need daily task lists. Examples of what I need more help with are the girls' rooms, closets, drawers, bathroom and their nails, and I also need you to do what I specifically request by email. I do not want to have to ask for the same things multiple times or to end up doing things myself when you don't get to it unless I understand why. We need to eliminate the gaps. Let's get the JD out again and go down it item by item and discuss.

We need to formalize everything more until we make sure we are on the same page. Please write down your time on a daily basis on the sheet on the fridge -- specifically when you arrive and when you leave. Remember that an employee starts their work day when they are truly in a position to start work, not necessarily when they arrive at the work place. Employees go "off the clock" when they finish work, which is before they pack up and leave. So we can appreciate what you do on a daily basis, write down a summary each day. For planning purposes, write down what you plan for the next day so we can add to it or prioritize. Remember that we would rather have the house running smoothly than have fancy meals and baked goods. There should some time each week for some fun with the girls too. For your own purposes, for a few days write down how much time you spend dealing with W--- while you are here. I think it is much more than you realize.

We truly need your help. John and I work really long hours and I'm still working on recovering my health. Look for ways to make yourself indispensable. The best way to do that is to make what you do each day and week predictable, and to prioritize in terms of what we actually need, which may not always be what you would prefer to do first. We adore you and W--- but you need to remember that this is a job and there are certain things that we need done each day and each week. This job needs to be for our convenience, not just when convenient for you, a distinction I hope you appreciate.

Let's try to get on the same page. We do value what you do.

(Also, please be careful with the kitchen. The island is for food prep not the counter. You left the counter dirty tonight. We already have damage to the counter from leaving lemon juice on it. Treat the kitchen with love -- we worked really, really hard for several years to be able to have a new kitchen and want you to treat it like it was yours.)(We couldn't wait on picking up the basement until tomorrow -- John needed to be able to clean it after it was picked up and needed to clean tonight b/c he has other things he needs to do tomorrow. It would be great if you could make the beds up downstairs tomorrow day for use tomorrow night. I washed some of the basement bedding so it is ready to go.)

Nanny job descriptions

I've been interviewed/cleared by some nanny agencies in Dallas, TX now, and can go on-line to review the families and what they will require of their nanny. I'm trying to sift through them to find one that will be a good fit for me, and my son, and decipher what they say, and what they really say. For example:

Candidate must be flexible, able to work long, hours and stay overnight if the parents are out of town. Nanny will assist with cooking, childrens' laundry, light housekeeping, picking-up from school, grocery shopping (if time permits), homework assistance and transporting to various activities.

translates to, we need an intern, someone to do the grunt work.


Or how about this one,

Daily responsibilities are to arrive at 9am for general household duties (light cleaning, grocery shopping, kid's laundry, errands) until12:45. Nanny will need to pick up the 3 year old from preschool at 12:45 each day, continue errands with three year old or return home for play or nap time. At 3:20 pick up older two from elementary school. 4:00 head home for snack and help with homework (or depending upon the day, cart to after-school activities). 5:00 prepare simple dinner for family 6:00-6:30 - finish up household duties while family has dinner. Assist with dinner clean up. 6:30 depart

This position is really requesting a household assistant. All of the carting around I get, since adults who work at a "real" job usually don't get home until after 6. What will Nanny do while the family is eating dinner? Why will she need to stay and clean up from dinner before she gets to leave?

And my favorite:

Nanny will help get the children ready for school, feed breakfast, gather their belonging and assist with any last minute homework and then transport to school. Nanny manager will then come home and assist with light housekeeping, dishes, sweeping, laundry, linen care, and organizational projects. Nanny will also run errands to the post office, grocery store, dry cleaners and other locations as needed. Nanny will pick children up from school, feed snack, assist with homework, transport to various after-school activities and possible assist with dinner prep and pack lunches for next day.

This one is really a request for another mom/wife. Not that she will get any benefits of being that, just a wife-of-the-wife so that the mom doesn't have to work too hard

I interviewed with Kim, of Mom's Best Friend. An interesting article, still more on the "mom" side of things, rather than the nanny.

http://www.dallaschild.com/showarticle.asp?artid=627

Honest in posting

I'm just a bit more cautious about what I'm writing down today. Not that anything I that I written is slanderous, or vulgar. It's honest, to the point, and usually reflects more about how I view myself, and the environment around me. I do not viciously attack anyone, do not call out names, and for the most part, speak in general terms. And, I'm the employee in these relationships. Who hasn't found some kind of venue to vent about their current job and boss? Like I was explaining to my mom and dad, when last week I thought my world as I knew it was going to fall apart from what I've written here. Everything that I write down is something that I would say out-loud to them, or to my Grandma. It's nothing I'm ashamed of.

There was a family I was working for, at the end of 2005, who used to write me these awful emails. I wish I had kept them, so I could share, but they would turn my stomach when I read them, so they were shredded. These exchanges, coupled with completely opposite demur, and manners to my face, made it a vol-ital relationship.

As stated before, these are stories that happen to me. I don't elaborate on things, or embellish the stories. I feel like if there is anything that I can talk about about, it's how I am around children, and how they act around me.

Counting down the last days

We have 4 days left in Charlotte, before we relocate to Dallas, TX. This, in itself is not news, just the impact that those remaining days is having on our family. I have been preparing ds for sometime now on the move. He's over it. He knows we're going to be staying between my parent's house, and my brother's house, fine with him. He knows that we're not going to come back to this house, he knows that we have to travel for 2 days. Fine by him. Good, right? I've done my job by preparing him, reading books, and talking about the new adventure we're going to be having.

So when Dh came home yesterday, wearing stress in his eyes, I was caught off guard. I thought he might have just been busy at the hotel. I learned, long ago, to just let him tell me what's going on, and not to hover. He finally told me he was not prepared to have his replacement sitting in his chair, talking to his friends, taking over his office. It was like someone was taking possession over his creation. He stated, "It wasn't mine" in that final voice which all men have. I offered him the camera so he could take pictures of his staff, and his properties, but he politely declined. As gently as I could, I told him it was OK for him to feel this way, and he was entitled to have a little sadness when it came to leaving. I hope he realizes this.

Me, on the other hand, is ready to jump in with both feet! I have interviews set up with 2 nanny agencies for next week. I've researched where I'll need to get CPR certified, and have a YMCA in mind where I can take ds for swim lessons. I've taken pictures of the house, so I can look back and remember how proud I am of all the work we've put into this. We met with our nanny boy yesterday and had our final play date. The mom even got tears in her eyes when we were leaving (caught me totally by surprise). I'm READY for this new chapter. Sure, I'm sad when I think about my friends, my relationships, and all of the things I've had to donate to friends because we can't move certain things. But all together, I'm a planner, and I've been planning this for awhile, and have a plan for the next year, and I finally have a 5 year plan, it's exciting to me to be on the edge of the diving board, getting ready to jump in!

Justifying the cost

When a family in search of a nanny goes to an agency, they are required to pay a "finders fee" for that service. This eliminates the hassle of doing any of the searching themselves. No background checks, licence checks, drug tests, fingerprinting, blah blah blah. This fee that they pay to the agency can be between $1000-1500. Usually half at first, to get the ball rolling, and get potential nannies sent to their home to interview, and the remainder 30 days after a proper nanny has been placed.


The nanny just has to fill out the extensive application, sit through a face-to-face interview with someone from the agency, and pass all tests. Then, wait for a family to find her application acceptable enough to come in for an interview with the family. If that interview is successful, they might set up another interview/playdate (paid) to see how the nanny will interact with the children.


Let's address the application. The one I'm working on now has eleven levels of questions, ranging from basic information, household staffing, and self-assessment.

??Business Management/Support - managing/training support staff, computer abilities, errands, scheduling meetings and travel, knowledge of hotels and facilities, packing, organizing, and household budget

??Specialty Care - how to care for fine furnishings and fabrics, cleaning and disinfecting, cleaning and organizing storage areas, drawers and closets, cleaning product knowledge

??Repairs and Preservation - create list of/maintaining inventory, securing hazardous areas, upkeep of appliances, childproofing

??Entertaining - expertise in entertaining etiquette such as formal table service, table manners and protocol, event planning

and my favorite

??Create a paragraph which gives your mission and vision of your career and what you have to offer a future employer

Yes, this is my chosen career path right now. And yes, I do feel that it is a worthy job, I'm just finding it a challenge coming up with a mission statement. This application is pretty exhausting, which I'm sure is part of the process of weaning out possible candidate.